So I got a new Bible last summer. Right around a year ago. It was right before I started college, and I had decided that it was high time for a new one for a couple reasons. One was that I wanted a new translation (ESV is offcially my favorite and will remain so), another that I wanted a prettier Bible, and the main reason was that I wanted something new to explore. I had marked so many passages in my old Bible that I found myself repeatedly turning to those, and only those, that I had marked. I figured that if I got a new one, I would find new passages, mark new verses; it would freshen things up. I've found that in the last year since I got a new Bible, it has seen much less activity. Tonight I flipped through my old Bible and found that it had been well-loved. It has water damage from being toted around, lies flat when opened because it was so often used, and has scores of passages hastily marked with anything I could find - pens, markers, even colored pencil. The condition of the new Bible stands in stark contrast to this. The binding is still sturdy, the pages unwrinkled because they haven't been touched much, the few marked passages highlighted very precisely. In the last year I have lost my interest in, my love for, the Word of God. I have been too busy to earnestly seek my Lord through the words inspired by the Spirit. It is a tragedy encountered by far too many college students. My prayer is that I will find my first Love again.
Decisions...I hate them. Or I've come to hate them at least. It wouldn't be so bad if decisions were free-standing; you know, if all that mattered was your yes or no. But so many things go into a decision, there are so many factors, so many possible outcomes, so much potential for someone to get hurt or offended. If you are a part of any kind of community, family or friends (or both), you cannot make a decision based solely on yourself. You must always take into account the way it will affect those you love. And that is where things get complicated. Sometimes your community won't even allow you to make the decision on your own, which can be a blessing and a curse. I am currently right in the midst of a (somewhat) big life decision, and I keep finding myself simply wanting it to be over. No matter which way it goes, I just want the matter to be settled. I mean of course I have a preference, but the limbo I'm currently in until everything is worked out is making me go crazy. Here ends my ramble about my beliefs on decisions. Updates to come.
So I have this notebook that has all manner of random things in it: grocery lists, scores of pro/con lists, a bucket list, prayers and answers. It was given to me a few years ago by my best friend, and I love going back through it every now and then. Tonight's find was a page that I had written of things I heard from God during prayer while I was on a mission trip last summer. You can say God doesn't speak anymore all you want, but our God is a living God, and He speaks. This is what He said to me that night:
"You are to love. You love to love people, so do it for Me. Learn to enjoy loving the hard-to-love, for they are Mine as well. This is what I have called you to do, this is your mission. My Love is the light that shines through the cracks in you, it is what brings together the broken pieces of you and glues them together into a beautiful mosaic. It binds up your wounds, gives you healing and peace, reassures you. Let it speak to you, take it for yourself and then give it to others. This is what I have created you for.
Your mind is a beatiful thing. I know it well - I created it. My hands molded it together, made it unique, original. It is vibrant, full of life, incredibly active. Yet in its activity, do not let it wander to fears of the unknown and uncertain. Let it not make its life down in the 'misty lowlands' that are not of Me, the places that are full of fear, worry, and self-reliance, the places that hide My face from you. Instead, lift your mind up to Me and let Me take you to the higher places, where you walk hand-in-hand with Me. Here you will see life as I meant for it to be, where things are more beautiful because you can see Me in them, where all people deserve to be loved with My love. Here your mind will be even brighter, more vibrant, active in a good way because you will be thinking of the things of Me, not afraid of the future or what you don't have because you will know that I am providing for you." I need to read this daily.
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