Just a pondering sort of evening...you know, an evening in which you ponder

Have you ever had the feeling that maybe you were wrong about all the things you thought you wanted in life? That maybe the whole go to school, get married, have kids, go to church on Sunday mornings life isn't what God has planned for you?  I thought I wanted to live that life.  But I don't want to live comfortably anymore.  I don't know what that means yet; I don't know what God means by that yet.  But I don't think I want to get my degree and a job and fall in love with someone cool who is going to make good money and get married and live in the suburbs and have a few kids and a dog and maybe lead a women's group at church or something.  That was the comfortable life I wanted.  And there's nothing necessarily wrong with that.  But I have this inexplicable desire for something more, something weirder (I happen to be a rather odd sort of girl, so this logically follows my incredibly illogical personality).  Sure, I'm going to finish school and get a degree.  Of course I'll still marry someone cool (I also have incredibly good taste in people, you know this if you're friends with me, so it's only natural that whomever that sir is will be also odd, but the cool sort).  But do I want a safe job that provides me with a decent income?  Do I want my future husband to work in an office just to make good money to support a comfortable lifestyle?  Maybe that IS the life God has planned for me.  But I don't think He would give me these desires for something different if that was the case.  I don't have any clue what I'll be doing.  Maybe we'll travel the world and love on people; or maybe we'll just love on people right here in the states, right here in our own cities. I don't know what we'll be doing, and I don't want to know.  I'm just here to live and love as Christ lived and loved.