it's crazy the way human beings crave attention. we crave all sorts of attention in all sorts of ways. some call it "not conforming" or just "being different," I call it craving attention. some call it "just wanting a boyfriend or someone to dance with," I call it craving attention. some call it "wanting to succeed" or wanting to "exceed people's expectations," I call it craving attention.
and it is. it is craving attention. we all just want someone to see what we are doing, to acknowledge our existence, our lives. for some, it is the sole motivation for all the things that they do - working, writing, dancing, dating, performing, anything. sometimes I just feel like the only reason I'm living the way I am is so people notice it. why do I care what I wear? who I hang out with? what sorority I'm in? what image people have of me? because I want attention and I want people to think of me a certain way.
and I get depressed when I haven't been noticed. I feel like this is especially true when it comes to guys. I cry out for male attention above all else, just like the entirety of the female population.
yet. that single solitary word that lets me know there is more to the situation. there is another side. yet, I hardly ever recognize the Love that is right there with me, every movement I make, every thought I think, every emotion I feel. and it's this crazy, fierce, indelible, indescribable, expressive, wild-about-you Love. this Love that will never, ever leave me or forsake me. this Love that so beautifully died a horribly painful death that I might live and breathe and believe and love as well. this Love that envelops me and protects me, and at the same time exposes me to this world so that I may spread it to the ones that haven't experienced it yet. this Love expresses and reveals itself to me constantly in so many ways, and I ignore it. I relegate it to a secondary position in my life. secondary to the human love that I crave so badly.
why is this? I mean, I could spout off something about the human condition, but I don't think that really addresses the root issue. of course we're human and so we do stupid things and don't recognize what we ought, but I think we crave attention the way we do because of our unbelief. we don't really believe (though we might say we do) that God is right there with us, loving us and giving us attention and expressing Himself in all kinds of different, beautiful ways. we don't believe it because we know we don't deserve it. we know we haven't done a single thing to earn it and there isn't a single thing in the world that we could do to earn it. some of us are aware of this, aware of the grace that is so apparent in creation. but so, so many aren't. and even those who are aware rarely live, and I mean truly live, like they are aware of it. it is a tragic story, a dull life. I am one of these, these "half-hearted creatures" as C.S. Lewis calls us, that has been shown the grace and mercy and beautiful Love of God and yet lives each day like it doesn't exist. if I know of all these things and yet live just like those who do not know of these things, how will others ever be introduced to them? it should be my duty and my joy to display the love and grace and mercy and glory of the beautiful God that I serve.
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