time

so it's nearly 5 am.  if you know me at all, or have ever read this blog before, this should not surprise you one bit.  what might, however, surprise you is the fact that it has been nearly an entire two months since I wrote last.  and I don't mean just on this blog.  I mean at all.  I haven't written a creative word in basically two months.  and I love writing.  but there are a lot of things that go into writing - whether it's just your thoughts or a creative piece.  and there is a certain motivation that has to accompany a writer when she sits down to write.  and if it isn't there, absolutely nothing will happen.  she will just stare at her computer screen or the page in her notebook until she begins to feel bad about herself and her lack of creativity and eventually she will turn her attention to something else, in order to make herself feel a little better.  and then, weeks later, she will remember that she is a writer, and she has things to say.  so she will write them. 

I suppose I must give a disclaimer and warn you that there is nothing new under the sun.  I am about to proceed to write about the same things that I always write about.  but, of course, it will come out differently.  commencing...now.

I lost her.  you know, that girl that thinks deep thoughts, and loves God, and likes to write.  she kind of disappeared for a bit.  I think I chased her away.  but it's the middle of the night and she's been MIA for awhile now, and I'm realizing how much I miss her.  but, you say, if you want her back, why don't you just go find her?  my response is two-fold: 1. touche and 2. it's simply not that easy.  you see, I'm not sure if she's gone forever.  she may have been replaced with a much less cool version of herself.  however, I like to believe she's still out there and I just have to wait around a bit.  believe me, if I thought there was something I could do to magically make her resume her role, I would do it in a hearbeat.  but these things take time.  motivation is sufficient for now I suppose.  she's coming back bit by bit.  hopefully we'll see her back in her prime pretty soon here.  otherwise...the world will be stuck with the not-as-cool girl.  she'll be back though, I know it.  it just takes time.

"Come to Me with empty hands and an open heart, ready to "receive abundant blessings.  I know the depth and breadth of your neediness.  Your life-path has been difficult, draining you of strength.  Come to Me for nurture.  Let me fill you up with My presence: I in you, and you in Me.  My power flows most freely into weak ones aware of their need for me.  Faltering steps of dependence are not a lack of faith; they are links to My presence."
-Jesus Calling for April 27