This is one of those times where I don't know where to begin. I'm afraid that if I start writing, a thousand crazy thoughts will force their way out of my brain and into my post, whizzing and crashing about, with no sense of direction and certainly no understanding. It goes without saying that I have a lot on my mind right now. I mean, I usually have a lot on my mind; but today, there is a sense of fast-paced recklessness in my thoughts. They are all whirling past me at an unprecedented speed, going nowhere and finding themselves back at the beginning over and over again. If their paths were traced over the map of my brain, there would be thousands of squiggly lines, circles, dead ends.
I am sick of my thoughts. Sick of my situations. Sick of myself. Sick of this lack of clarity I'm finding myself in. I feel like everything in my life is muddy and I don't know which way I'm supposed to start walking. All I know is that God wants me in a little bit of solitude. He wants me to sit quietly and not take any steps yet. He wants me to wait on Him and let Him be the center of things, the center of my life. He will show me the path of life, but only when I'm not focused on what I am supposed to be doing, but rather how I am glorifying Him in what I am doing. So I'm house-sitting for some people next week and I'm taking that as my solitude time. It'll just be me and the dog at night. No one to hang out with or talk to, no one to distract myself with. I'll be forced to face myself in the silence, and to wait on God. And He will make Himself known to me. It could not come at a better time. Praying for clarity.
